Teaching Your Kids Obedience

How do people define being rich? Some would quantify it with the amount of material possessions. For others, fame, position and power equates to being rich. For Chesca and I, knowing our purpose on earth and who we live for gives us peace of mind and contentment. But contentment never stopped us from working hard and striving to reach our dreams. Especially to secure the future of Kendra, Scarlett, and Gavin.

While we believe that we shouldn’t be satisfied with what we've achieved, and that improvement is part of growth, we also should not take for granted including the Lord in our plans. For everything we do on earth, we are made accountable to Him. Everything we have belongs to God.

Worldly wealth never satisfies! We can recall the times we would want to buy something new. The excitement is always there. When you stare at it and use it, happiness creeps in. Even when our kids buy their favorite toys, we would warn them that later on they would want more. It’s a natural reaction. That is why we always teach our kids to value family and their relationship with Jesus, and not what the world can offer. Days and weeks go by, then we find ourselves wanting more, or something new. When does it end? Jim Carey the Hollywood comedian who earns millions of dollars per movie, said it best, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s NOT the answer.”

Our adventures as a family are always something we all look forward to. No work, just our kids and us! Our go-to beaches in the Philippines have always been Bohol, Boracay and Palawan, and they never fail to still amaze us every single trip! But it’s always been a dream of Chesca and I to go to the beautiful Maldivian islands. And how can we not dream of such paradise! We read about it through our favorite Hollywood celebrities, through those Instagram pages that make us want to teleport right away, and of course from featured websites that describe it as something that should be part of every persons bucket list.

When or how do we train our kids when it comes to manners? Do we just tell them about it? Do they just pick it up from us and apply it naturally? How old do I even start teaching them?

As parents it is important that we teach our children! It is our job! it's an entitlement that God has given us parents to raise obedient and well-mannered kids. But we also must remember just like in everything we need to be intentional and that includes raising our children. What does being intentional mean? Being intentional means planning and committing our time to teach them so we can be effective, that way something purposeful comes out of it. 

It is our obligation as parents to teach and train our children as they grow up. But we cannot just merely tell them what to do. You have to tell them and apply it every day for them to see. Live it, breath it... Exemplify it!

When we teach our children good manners... We also need to remind ourselves to be patient and to do it lovingly. We must understand just like everyone of us, children are also a work in progress. Don't expect them to get it right away. Our purpose is to teach and for them to learn. To follow respectfully and to remember to be obedient because it's the right thing to do, and not to coerce them forcefully because they might follow without truly understanding. We must also be consistent when we teach them that way they know that rules are rules. When raising kids, we parents have to be united in everything. There shouldn't be any good cop or bad cop. It only confuses the kids more and you take away the authority to be followed. In their heads, "I know I can sway my mom to agree with me and because I know that I will always ask the one who allows me." It's a lose lose situation! We have taught them nothing but how to manipulate us.

However, we parents are not perfect as well and sometimes we make wrong decisions too. Once we realize that we need to correct our decisions let it be known to our children that we will do so on our own time. They should learn to wait patiently and learn to respect authority.

Why do we need to teach our children good manners? Simply because parents who teach their kids to be courteous have better relationships with their children. They learn to follow rules, they're more considerate of others, they're humble, respectful and are happy, confident people. That is why it is so important to be present in their lives. Our roles as parents are so crucial. Who will they look up to if they have nobody there for them? Most parents wonder why they have disrespectful children when they have done nothing but give them everything. You can give them everything but everything to them is spending time with you! "Don't replace presence with presents." Build on your relationship with them!

Children are naturally curious and never running out of questions. Don't be lazy in telling them why you're teaching them... I always tell my children that, parents who teach their children well, love their children well. They know that everything mama and papa teaches them is for their own good even when we discipline them they know it is all out of love. When we take the time to talk to them they also learn to listen and we in turn learn to understand what's in their hearts and minds. As parents we need to make them feel that their thoughts and feelings matter to us the most.

 Do everything together with your children. Teach them how it's done and make it fun. We want them to remember what is being taught to them and not to be scared of us. If they make a mistake, take it as an opportunity to remind and correct them. On the other hand, when they do something right, praise them for it! It will encourage them all the more. The best reward a parent can give a child is not material things, but it is showing that their good efforts are seen and appreciated.

Help each other out by practicing it consistently. Practice it until it becomes a force of habit. Be creative with your kids and find out what works for them.

I have observed several times that children who have good manners are happily welcomed to other people's homes. Their demeanor is confident without being arrogant, self-assured and secured with themselves.

Our kids are far from being perfect and I can't promise that we won't have misunderstandings. But just like every relationship that is built with a strong foundation it doesn't easily crumble. Kids are so much smarter than what we think they are. Later on, our "crazy" stories that we make up just so that they will follow us will no longer work and then we will realize they really never learned anything from it. Those are all momentary solutions with no real lessons. They are far better and important than that. We have to take the time to sit them down, or lay down beside them in bed and talk to them about how we feel and explain to them our intentions. Guide them and remember to do it lovingly, kindly and be truthful to them always.

Don't ever neglect teaching your children proper manners. It goes hand in hand with discipline and consistently teaching them God's Word. As it says in the Bible, Deuteronomy 11:19 states: "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

Children remember more when they're taught out of love, even without your watchful eyes they stay obedient.

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4